do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
