just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
