and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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