i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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