Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
