just tell him i said nine months
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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