i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
