That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Non-Jews are for practice
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
