She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
