he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
