I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
