Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
