I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
