watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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