I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
