you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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