my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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