Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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