the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
