So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
