apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
