How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
