Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
