I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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