dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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