oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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