if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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