if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
