I hate all girls vehemently.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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