i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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