Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
