if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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