If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
