I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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