you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
