I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
