Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
