I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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