I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
