How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
