the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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