At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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