Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
