I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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