She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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