My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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