Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
