lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
