Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
