Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
