Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
