I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
