Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
