I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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