TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
