last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
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I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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