My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
