so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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