And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
