got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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