he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
