i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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