thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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