If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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