ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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